The All-New Muppet Show/Episode 112 transcript
Prologue: The Guest Star's Dressing Room Scooter: On Door 5 Times "(Guest Star's Name), oh, (Guest Star's Name), 16 2nds 'til curtain, Mr. (Guest Star's Last Name)." Guest Star: "Thanks a bunch, Scooter, I'll be with you guys in a jiffy." Scooter: "And just for you to know, the theme of tonight's show is The Lion King karaoke night." Guest Star: "Thanks for telling me that." Cut to Kermit appearing through The All-New Muppet Show logo......... Kermit: "It's The All-New Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Mr. Nathan Lane, yaaaaay!" In Background Rowlf: On Piano Keys Music In Background Female Muppet friends: It's time to play the music it's time to light the lights it's time to meet the Muppets on The All-New Muppet Show tonight Male Muppet friends: it's time to put on make-up it's time to dress up right it's time to raise the curtain on The All-New Muppet Show tonight Waldorf: why do we always come here? Statler: I guess we'll never know Waldorf: it's like some kind of torture Statler and Waldorf: to have to watch the show Continues In Background Kermit: and now let's get things started Miss Piggy: why don't you get things started Kermit and Muppet friends: it's time to get things started '' ''on the most sensational '' ''inspirational celebrational Muppetational '' ''this is what we call The All-New Muppet Show.......... Animal Sounds Scene 1: Onstage/the introduction Kermit: "Thank you, everybody, and welcome again to The All-New Muppet Show, that's right, tonight's a very special night of The Lion King karaoke night 'cause our guest star is Timon's voice actor, Mr. (Guest Star's Name), but 1st, we have an opening musical number." Clifford: "Hey, Kermit, just for you to know, nice job on the set designs." Kermit: "Oh thanks a bunch, Clifford, I appreciate it, so anyway, here's the opening musical number." Opening Musical Number: The Circle of Life In Background Miss Piggy: From the day we arrive on the planet and blinking step into the sun Robin: there's more to see than can ever be seen more to do than can ever be done Fozzie: there's far too much to take in here more to find than can ever be found Gonzo: but the sun rolling high through the sapphire sky keeps great and small on the endless round Scooter: it's the circle of life and it moves us all through despair and hope through faith and love '' Skeeter: '''til we find our place on the path unwinding in the circle the circle of Life Walter:'' it's the Circle of Life '' and it moves us all through despair and hope through faith and love Rowlf:'' 'til we find our place'' '' ''on the path unwinding in the circle the circle of life '' Ends Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony...... Waldorf: "You know, Statler, I really enjoy a good broadway musical production these days." Statler: "Did you ever enjoy watching Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid on broadway before?" Waldorf: "Sure did." Statler: "Then that makes you the lucky broadway man!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage....... Kermit: "Let's see what's next." Kermit looks right at the list. Kermit: "Oh, Bear on Patrol is next, Bear on Patrol is next onstage, everybody." Bear On Patrol sketch number: Tarantula on the loose Announcer: "And now, ridding the world of evil, here's Bear on Patrol." Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "Alright, come right this way, just a few more, there we go, perfect." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "What seems to be the trouble, Patrol Bear?" Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "This young man here, let loose a tarantula in the apartment." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "I see, tell me your name, please." Gonzo: "I'm Gonzo, kind sir, and I'm innocent, I would never let any tarantulas or scorpions loose in houses, apartments or mansions." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Let me check the guilty and innocent list." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob scans right through the innocent list and finds Gonzo's name written on here. Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Well, Gonzo. it looks like you're innocent after all, you can let him go right now, Patrol Bear." Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "Yes, Officer Hogthrob sir." Gonzo: "Oh thanks a bunch." Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again....... Waldorf: "Boy, Gonzo's been reading mystery detective books again." Statler: "He sure did solve that mystery pretty good." Waldorf: "Quite ''mysterious''!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again The Swedish Chef sketch number: spinach carrot garden salad Swedish Chef: ''Yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue'', ''orn desh, dee born desh'', ''de umn '' ''bork, bork, bork'' Swedish Chef: "Tunight, ve-a're-a mekeeng a spinech cerrut gerdee-a seled." Swedish Chef: "Furst, get oot a neece-a beeg seled buol." The Swedish Chef gets out a nice big salad bowl. Swedish Chef: "Next, poot zee-a inture-a beg oof spinech in zee-a seled buol." The Swedish Chef puts the entire bag of spinach in the salad bowl. Swedish Chef: "Und lest buot nut leest, puot sume-a chupped cerruts in zee-a seled buol und meex it ell up." The Swedish Chef puts some chopped carrots in the salad bowl and mixes it all up. Swedish Chef: "Und zeere-a yooo hefe-a eet." Talking Salad Bowl: "I need to go dress myself in the refrigerator." Swedish Chef: "Vhet zee-a hey?" Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again......... Statler: "Wow, he sure did make 1 nice looking spinach carrot garden salad there." Waldorf: "He must've chopped those carrots up real good." Statler: "The garden salad bowl said something about dressing himself in the refrigerator." Waldorf: "What a garden salad ''joke''!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again........ Kermit: "Pigs in Space is next, Pigs in Space is next onstage, everybody." Pigs in Space sketch number: the Voice Mixer Announcer: "And now it's time for Pigs in Spaaaace, starring Captain Link Hogthrob, 1st Mate Piggy, and the wise cracking scientific genius, Dr. Strangepork, where we last left our heroes aboard the Swine Trek." Link Hogthrob: "Gosh, it sure is boring around here." Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "Another day of Dr. Strangepork's crazy inventions." Dr. Strangepork: "Check out my new invention, you guys, it's the Voice Mixer." Link Hogthrob: "What exactly does it do around here?" Dr. Strangepork: "It can mix up everybody's voices, ''observe'' and ''watc''h." Dr. Strangepork uses the voice Mixer on himself and Link Hogthrob as well. Link Hogthrob (Dr. Strangepork's voice): "And there you have it." Dr. Strangepork (Link Hogthrob's voice): "Hey, what happened to our voices?" Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "This isn't going so good." Link Hogthrob (Dr. Strangepork's voice): "Hold it, I know just what to do around here." Link Hogthrob (Dr. Strangepork's voice) uses the Voice Mixer on himself and Dr. Strangepork (Link Hogthrob's voice) as well. Dr. Strangepork: "And that's ''exactly'' how it works." Link Hogthrob: "Finally, no more voice changes." Announcer: "Will Dr. Strangepork ever keep up the good work? will Link Hogthrob ever find a space monster? does 1st Mate Piggy know what she's doing? find out on the next exciting episode of Pigs in Spaaaace." Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again...... Waldorf: "You know, Statler, I might recognize that voice or the other voice coming from those space pigs." Statler: "Too bad I can't compare myself to that." Waldorf: "Then it makes ''1'' difference!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Muppet News Flash: a flock of buzzards Newsman (off screen): "Here's a Muppet News Flash." The Newsman sits right at his desk. Newsman: "This just in, a flock of buzzards have been flying around all over the place, from Australia to South Africa, they can be all over the place." Suddenly, 2 Buzzards fly around and the Newsman ducks his head down to take cover from them. Newsman: "Good thing they didn't stop to peck my ears off." Talk Spot: A conversation about the Guest Star's voice performance as Timon in The Lion King movie series Kermit: "So, (Guest Star's 1st Name) how did you do on voice acting for the character of Timon in The Lion King movie series?" Guest Star: "Well, Kermit, I did real good, since Timon's a meerakat with a New York attitude, I based his voice on my voice from other movie series." Kermit: "You know what? I really enjoyed your voice performance as Timon in those movie series." Guest Star: "Thanks a bunch, Kermit, I appreciate it." Veterinarian's Hospital sketch Number: Camilla as the patient Announcer: "And now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack whose gone to the dogs." Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "You wanna know why the pony stopped for some ice cold water? he was a bit ''horse''!" Janice/Nurse Janice: "Oh, Dr. Bob, you and your horse jokes." Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "So who's the patient this time, Dr. Bob?" Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Behold, ''observe'' and ''watch''." Rowlf/Dr. Bob pulls back the corner of the green quilt to reveal Camilla as their patient. Clucking: ''"Where am I? what just happened?"'' Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "Oh my word, Camilla, what just happened to you?" Clucking: ''"I was dusting the shelves and I slipped and injured my left wing."'' Janice/Nurse Janice: "Well, Camilla, that's like, you all over." Announcer: "Will Dr. Bob ever keep his medical skills? does Nurse Piggy know where to store her magazines? will Nurse Janice ever keep her bills paid? tune in next week when you hear Nurse Piggy say-" Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "So, Dr. Bob, what's your advice for this patient?" Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Well, Nurse Piggy, it seems to all of us that she just freaked out a bit." Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again........ Statler: "Camilla sure had a hard time keeping control of her balance while dusting those shelves." Waldorf: "Yeah right, 'til she lost it and injured her left wing." Statler: "What a thing for a chicken to do around here." Waldorf: "As if!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again...... Kermit: "Muppet Labs is next, Muppet Labs is next onstage, everybody." ''Muppet Labs sketch number: Movie Projector 700 Ticking [''Muppet Labs Theme Music In Background] Bunsen: "Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, here at ''Muppet Labs ''where the future is being made today." (Brief Pause) Bunsen: "That's exactly right, we're testing out our new invention: the Movie Projector 700." (Brief Pause) Bunsen: "Have you ever wanted to watch good classic movies on the big movie screen? well, the Movie Projector 700 is the solution, which of course my faithful assistant, Beaker will now demonstrate (he calls out to Beaker) come right over here, Beaker." Beaker: "Mee, mo, mee, mo, mee, mee." Bunsen: "Now, Beaker, just sit right in this chair here, and I'll turn on the Movie Projector 700." Beaker sits right down in the chair and Bunsen turns on the Movie Projector 700. Bunsen: "Observe' and 'watch' what happens on the screen." Some movie clips from ''The Lion King II: Simba's Pride are shown. Bunsen: "And there you have it, what do you think, Beaker?" Beaker falls asleep through the entire movie. Bunsen: "Oh well, that's all the time we have for tonight, so join us next time at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today." Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again....... Waldorf: "Those movie clips are super long." Statler: "It seems to me like a movie projector going around here." Waldorf: "It was good at 1st, but then I fell asleep watching it." Statler: "So did I!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Cut back to Kermit onstage...... Kermit: "Alright, everybody, it's time for the closing musical number." Closing musical number: Can You Feel the Love Tonight? In Background Kermit: I can see what's happening and they don't have a clue Guest Star: they’ll fall in love and here’s the bottom line our trios cut in 2 Miss Piggy: the sweet caress of twilight there's magic everywhere '' ''and with all this romantic atmosphere '' ''disaster's in the air Denise: can you feel the love tonight? '' ''the peace the evening brings Link Hogthrob: the world for once in perfect harmony with all its living things Robin: so many things to tell her but how to make her see the truth about my past? '' ''impossible she'd turn away from me Fozzie:he's holding back he's hiding but what I can't decide why he won't be the king '' ''I know he's the king '' ''I see inside? Gonzo:can you feel the love tonight? '' ''the peace the evening brings Walter: the world for once in perfect harmony with all its living things Clifford: can you feel the love tonight? you needn't look too far Johnny: steeling through the night's uncertainties love is where they are Sal:and if he falls in love tonight it can be assumed Scooter: his carefree days with us are history Mildred Huxtetter: in short our pal is doomed. Ends Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony once agan. Waldorf: "Bravo, bravo, I really enjoy that song." Statler: "Did you enjoy it, Waldorf?" Waldorf: "Sure did!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Scene 2: Back onstage/the introduction Kermit: "Thank you, everybody, you've all been such a lovely audience this evening, I know we've had such a wonderful time, but right before we go, let's give a nice warm applause for Mr. (Guest Star's Name), yaaaaaay!" The Guest Star arrives onstage. Guest Star: "Thanks a bunch, you guys, I've always enjoyed working with you ever since our 2008 Christmas special."' Kermit: "You're welcome, (Guest Star's 1st Name)." Rowlf: "Hey, hold it, I think I see 2 dancing zebras over there." Kermit and the others including the Guest Star look around to see 2 dancing zebras. Kermit: "I don't believe this, but we'll see you next time on The All-New Muppet Show." Category:The All-New Muppet Show season 1 transcripts